Hello blog-fam. I figured it was about time you met my future daughter-in-law. They got engaged on Christmas morning and are planning to marry after graduate school.
Do I have a problem with the fact that she's white? Nope!! Have I already been tested on the matter? YEP!! How did I respond? I'll tell you:
She spent the holidays with us which meant she participated in our family tradition of getting up early and going to Christmas Morning Service at our church. After service, we opened our Christmas presents and my son popped the big question. Woo Hoo!! Our daughter immediately posted the good news on her facebook page and the phone calls started. Was I surprised by this? Nope!! Everyone at church was all questions and smiles - then 1 week later the comments started (or at least TRIED to start).
One of my dance ministry buddies was the first: "I see ya'll have a white girl in the family now"....then another one saw her opportunity and jumped right in "Yeah, his little girlfriend was all over him at church last week - how ya'll plan to deal with that".
Now, let me just pause for those of you who don't know me that well. I am not, nor have I ever been anti-white. I am, however, and shall remain PRO-BLACK. My husband and I have always encouraged our children to judge people on the content of their character not the color of their skin. Anyone who knows me (or at least claims to know me) is aware of that fact. I have never said to any of my children "Don't bring home a white girl (or white boy). Why? Because I simply don't give a damn!!
OK, back to the story. Here was my response to my two buddies; "First of all, she's not his girlfriend she's his fiance' and Curtis and I are very happy to welcome her into our family. She's a very sweet girl, respectful and really cares for our son and the fact that she's white is obviously more of an issue to YOU than it is to US. So, as you go back and have your individual conversations about MY family, please inform them that I have gone on record having said I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT".
What's the moral to this story? When your children start dating, any responsible parent is going to look at the prospective person and say "Is this person worthy of my child's heart?" We cannot chose who our children fall in love with, although some parents have tried and failed miserably. All we can do is pray, pray, pray and pray some more that they make the right decision for themselves. They will have enough bull sh** to deal with out there in the world, they shouldn't have to deal with it within of their own family. We plan to give them our love and support as they take this journey.
Peace Lovies!!
4 comments:
You're such an awesome parent! I must really commend you for stepping up to those women and sharing what you did because you're right. In addition to that I would have said "Men look at the outside, but God looks at the heart" (since it was a church setting). Racial reconciliation has been my life's ministry and it makes me so proud to see you walk, talk and act walk love. Congratulations to your son and his fiancee and I hope that their lives will be a testament of God's love regardless of color to those who are too fixated on it.
Congrats! My sons girlfriend of two years is white also. Like you, I judge any women who dates my sons on how they treat them. Black or white, I will have to hurt a women who hurts or abuses my sons. One never knows what shape or color love will come. At the end of the day, If he is happy, I`am happy!
They are a cute couple! Yes, the most important part is that they are happy with each other so I say Congratulations!! to them. Skin color is irrelevant.
Congratulations to you on your new family member!
I'm in an IR marriage and it's been a non-issue for both of our families. My mother-in-law observed to my mother that her son smiled a lot more since I had come into his life. Those are the important things.
Happy birthday to your hubby too!
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