It's been a long week.
Too much time wasted.
Energy spent and sent to undeserving recipients in wicked places.
A black hole of ethics.
A place where honesty refuses to dwell.
Un-comprehensable thoughts and decisions based on lies told
Truth stretched beyond recognition
Say it again and again until it becomes true
Time won't return to me
It will not re-birth itself, cannot be reincarnated as a new being
Resources poured out needlessly
Virtue sent forth
Focus removed from those who need it for the sole
purpose of one person's temporary bull-shit!
Real deal, selfish-ass agendas exposed like a tramp laying naked on a dirty, pissy-smellin mattress
Laughable
Pitiful, irrational arrogance of a tired, trifflin needy childish soul
spoiled and starving for somethin.....
Naw, This ain't That and I ain't the one!
Situations yet to be resolved
Oh well
What the hell
Dayum, it's been a long-ass week!!
AFROLADY
The Upper Room Publications
Sunday, October 21, 2012
I CHOOSE.........
I weep for those who don't understand that they hold the power and the keys to their own kingdom.
True, some of us got thrown a completely unfair curveball in our lives at a time we were totally defenseless to deal with it or fight it's effects. My grandfather died when my mother was still a child, leaving my very young grandmother alone in Detroit in the 30's to try and raise a child. My great-aunt stepped in and did the best she could, which removed my mother from one hell to an even deeper hell. Her only recourse was to willingly get knocked up knowing she would be shipped to her uncle's farm in Alabama to hide the shame.
My parents did all they could for me. Raised me in a christian household with ethics, standards, honesty and good values. They offered comfort and protection, but had no way of knowing that who I needed protection from was my best friend's uncle who enjoyed having inappropriate relationships with young girls and a family member who thought a girl-child in the family was 'fair game'.
Oh yes, life throws things at us......often when we are at our most vulnerable.
I have lived some of my life in the dark infested state of fear, low self esteem, less-than, why am I so dark, skinny, unpretty, on and on and on. I also went through those tripped out years of overcompensating those insecurities by honoring and returning attention from any source. Besides, attention is attention and it feels good - or so I thought. Constantly seeking attention from others, or their permission to BE, or waiting for them to throw you a little shade is exhausting and pointless. If you are anything like ME you have woke up one day and found yourself at the awful crossroad of either being alone when you needed to be with someone or striving to fit in with a bunch of FOOLS when you needed to be alone!
One day my tired soul just opened up.........opened to the possibility of being ME..........the opportunity of emerging from the self constructed cocoon.......stepping out into nothingness and somehow finding my footing.
Unfortunately the world is full of too many souls who never come to that special/awful crossroad - some by lack of knowledge - some by choice! So, they continue living their lives looking at everyone else and deciding that whatever the other person has 'they' don't deserve it. Oh you don't have to look far for them, just check out the lady f**ing her married boss to get ahead, the family man with the "Shop Wife" on his job, the woman at church with the short dress on silently campaigning to be the next First Lady even though there already is one or the gay brother that joined the choir to get next to the organist. Yep, they are everywhere!!!
It is decision makin' time people!! We all have the proper tools for change and the power to make it happen. Gettin' down with O.P.P. (Other People's Property) or O.P.M. (Other People's Ministry/Mission) is not the answer to your prayers. Do you own damn homework - build some stuff up for yourself! Stop waiting for someone else to do all the hard work (nurturing that man, building up that woman's esteem, establishing that ministry, building that business) while you sit back and wait for an opening to get in there and take it for yourself!!!!!
I have no respect for those who mess with, pick at, steal, manipulate any person, idea or thing that does not belong to them!! Get out there and find yo own!!!!!!
Stop the madness!!
Just had to get some church B.S. off my chest.........................
Peace Lovies!!!
True, some of us got thrown a completely unfair curveball in our lives at a time we were totally defenseless to deal with it or fight it's effects. My grandfather died when my mother was still a child, leaving my very young grandmother alone in Detroit in the 30's to try and raise a child. My great-aunt stepped in and did the best she could, which removed my mother from one hell to an even deeper hell. Her only recourse was to willingly get knocked up knowing she would be shipped to her uncle's farm in Alabama to hide the shame.
My parents did all they could for me. Raised me in a christian household with ethics, standards, honesty and good values. They offered comfort and protection, but had no way of knowing that who I needed protection from was my best friend's uncle who enjoyed having inappropriate relationships with young girls and a family member who thought a girl-child in the family was 'fair game'.
Oh yes, life throws things at us......often when we are at our most vulnerable.
I have lived some of my life in the dark infested state of fear, low self esteem, less-than, why am I so dark, skinny, unpretty, on and on and on. I also went through those tripped out years of overcompensating those insecurities by honoring and returning attention from any source. Besides, attention is attention and it feels good - or so I thought. Constantly seeking attention from others, or their permission to BE, or waiting for them to throw you a little shade is exhausting and pointless. If you are anything like ME you have woke up one day and found yourself at the awful crossroad of either being alone when you needed to be with someone or striving to fit in with a bunch of FOOLS when you needed to be alone!
One day my tired soul just opened up.........opened to the possibility of being ME..........the opportunity of emerging from the self constructed cocoon.......stepping out into nothingness and somehow finding my footing.
Unfortunately the world is full of too many souls who never come to that special/awful crossroad - some by lack of knowledge - some by choice! So, they continue living their lives looking at everyone else and deciding that whatever the other person has 'they' don't deserve it. Oh you don't have to look far for them, just check out the lady f**ing her married boss to get ahead, the family man with the "Shop Wife" on his job, the woman at church with the short dress on silently campaigning to be the next First Lady even though there already is one or the gay brother that joined the choir to get next to the organist. Yep, they are everywhere!!!
It is decision makin' time people!! We all have the proper tools for change and the power to make it happen. Gettin' down with O.P.P. (Other People's Property) or O.P.M. (Other People's Ministry/Mission) is not the answer to your prayers. Do you own damn homework - build some stuff up for yourself! Stop waiting for someone else to do all the hard work (nurturing that man, building up that woman's esteem, establishing that ministry, building that business) while you sit back and wait for an opening to get in there and take it for yourself!!!!!
I have no respect for those who mess with, pick at, steal, manipulate any person, idea or thing that does not belong to them!! Get out there and find yo own!!!!!!
Stop the madness!!
Just had to get some church B.S. off my chest.........................
Peace Lovies!!!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Things DO Happen!
Mother'hood - it's our souls desire that our children grow up street smart, filled with integrity, respectful loving and strong. Every emotion I have about my children was put to the test this past week when my middle son called my husband at work. He usually doesn't call unless it's important - it's necessary to know your loved ones habits.
Wednesday morning, our son called to say that there was a fire in his apartment building. He went on to say that he had gotten out of the building and managed to save 2 of their 3 pets before firefighters arrived and kept him from entering the building again. He stood helpless outside the building with others watching fames shoot up through the roof and smoke billow out of every conceivable direction.
Of course, I called him immediately on his cell "I'm fine Mom"......"Mom, I'm fine". He didn't even fight me when I told him that his Dad and I would be there after work. He simply said, "OK, let me know when you are on your way so I can tell you where we will be". I'm not sure if he knew any argument he offered up would be pointless or if he just needed to see us.
So, hubby's training complete and a 2 hour car ride later, I had my grown, married son in my arms, holding him, fighting back tears while smelling smoke from his beautiful locs. The thought of him having to find a way out of his smoke filled apartment with his brand new puppy tucked in his arm like a football is still a bit much for me to bear. Their is no patio door, black smoke filled the hallway, the 1st window would not open - the second, he had to tear the screen open with his hands to get out. My feelings were further complicated by seeing the outside of their building, windows boarded up, the roof totally gone and second story basically destroyed. I probably hugged him for about an hour................
They are both doing fine, but Mama still worries!!
By the way - the firefighters were able to save their 3rd pet - a cat named Fernando.
Love on the people in your life!!!! They can be 200 miles away and still know that you love them unconditionally.
Peace and Light!!
Afrolady
Wednesday morning, our son called to say that there was a fire in his apartment building. He went on to say that he had gotten out of the building and managed to save 2 of their 3 pets before firefighters arrived and kept him from entering the building again. He stood helpless outside the building with others watching fames shoot up through the roof and smoke billow out of every conceivable direction.
Of course, I called him immediately on his cell "I'm fine Mom"......"Mom, I'm fine". He didn't even fight me when I told him that his Dad and I would be there after work. He simply said, "OK, let me know when you are on your way so I can tell you where we will be". I'm not sure if he knew any argument he offered up would be pointless or if he just needed to see us.
So, hubby's training complete and a 2 hour car ride later, I had my grown, married son in my arms, holding him, fighting back tears while smelling smoke from his beautiful locs. The thought of him having to find a way out of his smoke filled apartment with his brand new puppy tucked in his arm like a football is still a bit much for me to bear. Their is no patio door, black smoke filled the hallway, the 1st window would not open - the second, he had to tear the screen open with his hands to get out. My feelings were further complicated by seeing the outside of their building, windows boarded up, the roof totally gone and second story basically destroyed. I probably hugged him for about an hour................
They are both doing fine, but Mama still worries!!
By the way - the firefighters were able to save their 3rd pet - a cat named Fernando.
Love on the people in your life!!!! They can be 200 miles away and still know that you love them unconditionally.
Peace and Light!!
Afrolady
Sunday, August 19, 2012
I LOVE REAL PEOPLE!!
Most of you know that I love people who know how to keep it real. Nothing irritates me more than a fake-a** negro who is existing in their own little world taking NO responsibility for their own actions, blaming everyone else for their failures, bad habits, mistakes and challenges.
We all get knocked off course from time to time - we all do some stupid crap, but the trick really is to control what you can, police your own thoughts and actions and learn to deal with the MESS that gets thrown your way and CHECK a negro when necessary!!
Last night, I took a call from someone, reluctantly - because I knew what the call would consist of BEFORE I answered it. We all go through a tough time when our children get older and start leaving the nest to take on their own journey. We worry, will they make the right decisions, do what they are supposed to do, or will they get out their and act like they have NEVER had any home trainin' and run around acting a FOOL. So, as I moved my 3rd child into her senior year at college today, I had NO worries because she has done very well, thus far, and she knows everything she needs to know about putting a negro in CHECK whenever it is necessary - I have taught her WELL. I just have to give her the second part of the lesson so she knows that sometimes it's better to just let a negro be Ignorant.
Anyhoo, back to last night's call: So, while enjoying an evening dinner with our son and daughter-in-law who drove up to spend time with us, my cell phone rings.......when I see who it is, I take several deep breaths before answering...........I answer the phone and I hear crying, hollering and sniffling on the other end and completely inaudible talking. I immediately hand the phone to my husband because I have absolutely NO tolerance for foolishness at this stage of my life. Hubby tries to calm down the ignorance taking place - quickly gives up and hands the phone back to me. Now, you would think that this mother on the other end was crying over a son who had just died. Actually, she was screaming, hollering and and snotting into the phone because she had just moved her 18 year old son into his dorm room earlier that day (instert eyeroll here!).
Now, I am by no means insensitive......and I remember crying all the way home when we dropped off our 2nd son at school (I don't know what it is about that boy leaving that upsets me so badly - but I digress). I was in a little bit of a rut that night because I was leaving my baby in some weird place wondering if he would really be able to handle himself. So, on our ride back home, I drowned my sorrows in a McDonalds Strawberry Milkshake.....but again, I digress.....back to the phone call last night:
Unfortunately, what I was hearing on this phone call was not a young mother who was upset because she's going to miss her first born, what I was witnessing was a grown-ass woman needing some attention and pitching a hissy-fit to get it!! So, I firmly reminded her that she still had 4 other children at home who needed her attention, love, support, etc. Did I mention that two of them are WAY to young to understand the nonsense they were witnessing out of their mother. Needless to say, I have not heard from her since our phone call last night - which is fine because I don't hear from her that much anyway anymore.
We all have different kinds of friends...........some of them are the ride or die type like my Sistah/Girl Valerie who has seen my good and bad and knows how to pour me a drink while listening to my ranting CRAZINESS and then send my stupid ass home. Or my boy Michael, who knows me inside and out and can tell you how I will react to any situation before I can. Michael and I live 4.5 hours away from each other but our 42 year friendship is as strong as ever - if I call him, he's by my side before I can hang the phone up......at least that's how it seems. Then there are the ones who DRAIN your goodness - if you let them, they only contact you when things are not going their way - you never seem to hear from them when things are going well for them..........those are the ones you have to keep a perspective on - love them from a distance, send all the positive vibes and prayers their way as you can while being careful of getting drawn into their foolishness.
If you are lucky like me.......you have new friends who send you this kind of message on FB: "Get of your gracefully aging ass and get back to your writing". This post is for you Okiri and I meant it when I replied that I can't stand your beautiful African Ass!!!!
My life is good and I pray yours is too!! Peace Lovies!!!
Afrolady!
We all get knocked off course from time to time - we all do some stupid crap, but the trick really is to control what you can, police your own thoughts and actions and learn to deal with the MESS that gets thrown your way and CHECK a negro when necessary!!
Last night, I took a call from someone, reluctantly - because I knew what the call would consist of BEFORE I answered it. We all go through a tough time when our children get older and start leaving the nest to take on their own journey. We worry, will they make the right decisions, do what they are supposed to do, or will they get out their and act like they have NEVER had any home trainin' and run around acting a FOOL. So, as I moved my 3rd child into her senior year at college today, I had NO worries because she has done very well, thus far, and she knows everything she needs to know about putting a negro in CHECK whenever it is necessary - I have taught her WELL. I just have to give her the second part of the lesson so she knows that sometimes it's better to just let a negro be Ignorant.
Anyhoo, back to last night's call: So, while enjoying an evening dinner with our son and daughter-in-law who drove up to spend time with us, my cell phone rings.......when I see who it is, I take several deep breaths before answering...........I answer the phone and I hear crying, hollering and sniffling on the other end and completely inaudible talking. I immediately hand the phone to my husband because I have absolutely NO tolerance for foolishness at this stage of my life. Hubby tries to calm down the ignorance taking place - quickly gives up and hands the phone back to me. Now, you would think that this mother on the other end was crying over a son who had just died. Actually, she was screaming, hollering and and snotting into the phone because she had just moved her 18 year old son into his dorm room earlier that day (instert eyeroll here!).
Now, I am by no means insensitive......and I remember crying all the way home when we dropped off our 2nd son at school (I don't know what it is about that boy leaving that upsets me so badly - but I digress). I was in a little bit of a rut that night because I was leaving my baby in some weird place wondering if he would really be able to handle himself. So, on our ride back home, I drowned my sorrows in a McDonalds Strawberry Milkshake.....but again, I digress.....back to the phone call last night:
Unfortunately, what I was hearing on this phone call was not a young mother who was upset because she's going to miss her first born, what I was witnessing was a grown-ass woman needing some attention and pitching a hissy-fit to get it!! So, I firmly reminded her that she still had 4 other children at home who needed her attention, love, support, etc. Did I mention that two of them are WAY to young to understand the nonsense they were witnessing out of their mother. Needless to say, I have not heard from her since our phone call last night - which is fine because I don't hear from her that much anyway anymore.
We all have different kinds of friends...........some of them are the ride or die type like my Sistah/Girl Valerie who has seen my good and bad and knows how to pour me a drink while listening to my ranting CRAZINESS and then send my stupid ass home. Or my boy Michael, who knows me inside and out and can tell you how I will react to any situation before I can. Michael and I live 4.5 hours away from each other but our 42 year friendship is as strong as ever - if I call him, he's by my side before I can hang the phone up......at least that's how it seems. Then there are the ones who DRAIN your goodness - if you let them, they only contact you when things are not going their way - you never seem to hear from them when things are going well for them..........those are the ones you have to keep a perspective on - love them from a distance, send all the positive vibes and prayers their way as you can while being careful of getting drawn into their foolishness.
If you are lucky like me.......you have new friends who send you this kind of message on FB: "Get of your gracefully aging ass and get back to your writing". This post is for you Okiri and I meant it when I replied that I can't stand your beautiful African Ass!!!!
My life is good and I pray yours is too!! Peace Lovies!!!
Afrolady!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
WTH???????
Since I have some post-surgery down time, I figured it was best to update my blog and reach out to all my LOVIES!! As much as I celebrate each day of getting older with joy and lots of laughter, getting older means many different things. I have begun MENOPAUSE and am having all of the side-bar, craziness that goes along with it. What the HELL is up with that?? Some days I feel as if my body has gone completely crazy, I am HOT all the time and my menstral cycles have been totally ridiculous since last October. Things had gotten so far out of control - my life was being completely ruined. Several trips to the doctor, a few tests and thankfully, nothing really wrong. WTH?? So, now what? The doctor suggested 3 outpatient procedures saying that I could wait to have one of them. Well, think, think, think, think, tick, tock, tick, tock.......what would be the point of waiting? I am proudly 48 years old and my youngest child is 16. I am not looking to have any more children and am looking forward to enjoying grandchildren one day. So, yep Doc. let's do it!! Hubby sweetly asked if I was sure and I said yes, he took time off work to sit in the waiting room of the St. Vincent's Women's Hospital and fidget with his cell phone while I had a D&C, Hysteroscope and Oblation two days ago. Come to fine out, I had 2 pollups in my uterus that they found and removed. Who Knew??? It's amazing that you can have something inside you, growing and you have no idea that it's there. The doctor told my husband in the post-op counseling that in addition to the 2 pollups, I had a lot of JUNK in my uterus. JUNK?? WTF?? Wow - that's about all I can really say is WOW!! This whole thing has really made me reevaluate my life, spiritually and nutritionally! Whatever the JUNK was in my uterus, I definitely don't want it to come back, so it's time to stay serious about what I take in, my total environment, people, places, things, food, spiritual, whatever because I don't like hearing that I was carrying JUNK! Oh well, life is all about learning, growing, changing and challenging your own thoughts, beliefs, habits and practices.
My locs are doing their own thing.......growing and I am getting ready to combine some of them on the top because some of them are a little thinner at the roots than I would like. Not losing any or having any problems, I just always go by my gut instincts with my locs and it's always served me well.
So, I hope you all are well, loved and happy......if not, keep on living because it will come!!
HOTEP!!!
Afrolady!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Mental Health Break
Sometimes you just have to schedule some "down" time. Do any and all that you can to have a day scheduled where you don't have to think, answer phone calls, emails, send faxes, pay bills, etc., etc., etc. Life is WAY to short for you to deny yourself of spending quality time with your #1 Fan......YOU!!
Peace Lovies!!!!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Update Time
OK.....
I figured it was time for some comparison shots. So here we go:
The beginning - December 19th, 2008 and March 31, 2012 I actually forgot how BLACK my hair used to be. LOL!!
The pic on the right is from the summer of 2010 and the pic below is from today. Good change has taken place!! But I have to admit, it definitely takes a little more effort getting the locs into a pony because I have so many of them. My hair is still matting and this is the start of year 4. Most of my ends have completely matted up, but there are still some stubborn brothers and sisters in there that are taking their sweet time doing what THEY want to do.
Patience is definitely the key when dealing with locs.......constant change is the only normal thing that takes place with locs. Being impatient and over thinking the process will NOT get you where you want to go in the land of locs. Looking at other's pics for inspiration is a good thing, but constantly comparing you beauties to someone else's will ultimately lead to disaster because you will never truly embrace what the creator has given YOU.
June 2009 compared to March 2012.........and the band played on!!
I haven't retouched my color yet because I can't decide if I want to lift the color a little lighter or go to a deep rich red. Yep, I am a flakey DIVA!!
I'm still learning, changing and growing. But, I am comitted to letting it do what it do baby and I hope and pray that you are doing the same!!
Peace and Light Lovies!!
Afrolady
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