I CHOOSE.........

I weep for those who don't understand that they hold the power and the keys to their own kingdom.

True, some of us got thrown a completely unfair curveball in our lives at a time we were totally defenseless to deal with it or fight it's effects.  My grandfather died when my mother was still a child, leaving my very young grandmother alone in Detroit in the 30's to try and raise a child.  My great-aunt stepped in and did the best she could, which removed my mother from one hell to an even deeper hell.  Her only recourse was to willingly get knocked up knowing she would be shipped to her uncle's farm in Alabama to hide the shame.

My parents did all they could for me.  Raised me in a christian household with ethics, standards, honesty and good values.  They offered comfort and protection, but had no way of knowing that who I needed protection from was my best friend's uncle who enjoyed having inappropriate relationships with young girls and a family member who thought a girl-child in the family was 'fair game'.

Oh yes, life throws things at us......often when we are at our most vulnerable.

I have lived some of my life in the dark infested state of fear, low self esteem, less-than, why am I so dark, skinny, unpretty, on and on and on.  I also went through those tripped out years of overcompensating those insecurities by honoring and returning attention from any source.  Besides, attention is attention and it feels good - or so I thought.  Constantly seeking attention from others, or their permission to BE, or waiting for them to throw you a little shade is exhausting and pointless.  If you are anything like ME you have woke up one day and found yourself at the awful crossroad of either being alone when you needed to be with someone or striving to fit in with a bunch of FOOLS when you needed to be alone!

One day my tired soul just opened up.........opened to the possibility of being ME..........the opportunity of emerging from the self constructed cocoon.......stepping out into nothingness and somehow finding my footing.  

Unfortunately the world is full of too many souls who never come to that special/awful crossroad - some by lack of knowledge - some by choice!  So, they continue living their lives looking at everyone else and deciding that whatever the other person has 'they' don't deserve it.  Oh you don't have to look far for them, just check out the lady f**ing her married boss to get ahead, the family man with the "Shop Wife" on his job, the woman at church with the short dress on silently campaigning to be the next First Lady even though there already is one or the gay brother that joined the choir to get next to the organist.  Yep, they are everywhere!!!

It is decision makin' time people!!  We all have the proper tools for change and the power to make it happen.  Gettin' down with O.P.P. (Other People's Property) or O.P.M. (Other People's Ministry/Mission) is not the answer to your prayers.  Do you own damn homework - build some stuff up for yourself!  Stop waiting for someone else to do all the hard work (nurturing that man, building up that woman's esteem, establishing that ministry, building that business) while you sit back and wait for an opening to get in there and take it for yourself!!!!!

I have no respect for those who mess with, pick at, steal, manipulate any person, idea or thing that does not belong to them!!  Get out there and find yo own!!!!!!

Stop the madness!!

Just had to get some church B.S. off my chest.........................

Peace Lovies!!!