For those of you who don't know, Iyanala Vanzant recently appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show after an 11 year hiatus.
The first of two shows aired during my train trip back from helping care for my mother after her fall in December. Now, even though I don't watch Oprah that much, I was heartbroken at the thought of missing this episode because I am a HUGE fan of the high priestess. I have followed, learned and grown from her work over the years and was very excited to hear she would be on TV again. Other than my Mama, if I had to pick 2 women who inspire me and I most wanted to be like, I would have to say without a doubt Susan Taylor and Iyanala Vanzant.
Because I missed the airing of the show, I was forced to watch a series of bad quality videos posted up on YouTube. Even though the quality of the clips were questionable at best, it was still enough to hold captive my attention for it's duration, which is not easy to do.
It would seem to me that what happened between these two dynamic Divas was a direct result of a series of misunderstandings with a little bit of 'crazy' thrown in, just for fun.
The conversation between Oprah and Vanzant began with a heartfelt apology from Iyanala after a very intense embrace by two sistahs who have deeply missed each other. Two things Iyanala said stuck out in my mind: "Some crazy a pill can't fix"......"I need you to hear me on this Oprah, really hear me". Those two statements bring me to the point of this writing.
How many of us have had conversations with people (child, sibling, friend, mate, boss, etc.) only later to discover that what you "said" and what they "heard" were two completely different things? Too many relationships, marriages, etc., have been ripped apart over the difference between what 'I' said and what 'they thought' they heard.
I just finished reading a book entitled "The Fifth greement" in which the author speaks in great detail about being impeccable with your words and not taking things personally. How many people do you know have quit jobs because of their perception of the treatment the received from their boss or coworkers?
Now, my friends know that I watch "Real Housewives of Atlanta" weekly and will sit down and watch the reruns of the show. Why? Simple, because I find those ladies truly fascinating, especially NeNe but I will save that for another writing. Week after week, we see our sisters on the show act and react based on their own perception of a conversation or event that has taken place. Sometimes it's cute...........sometimes it's UGLY, but we watch it anyway.
During my 25 year marriage, several times I have challenged my husband on his reaction to a particular event. It took a while, but I slowly came to see that I expected him to see the situation exactly the way I saw it and I didn't understand why he wasn't ranting and raving as I would have done in that same situation. I have learned from that experience and many others that it's not always necessary to 'be RIGHT' but it is always 'right to just BE'. Plainly, what you say, you say out of your own thoughts, heart, perception, view, etc., and what the other hears is based on the same collection of things inside themselves. You have a responsibility for what you say and how you process or internalize what you hear (BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORDS). But, there is nothing you can do about the processing and internalizing that goes on inside the other person (DON'T TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY).
So, what do we do? Try to speak life, light, truth and blessings even when you have to "Check a Negro". But most of all, don't take what others do and say personally because after all, their perception of you and/or the situation is WWWWAAAYYYY out of whack anyway.
I'm sure Iyanala have received a mountain of criticism for appearing on Oprah and being so transparent, but sometimes that's the only way to truly resolve a situation. Speak truth and life to every situation that confronts you and I promise YOU will be all the better for it!!
I Speak Life!
Peace and Light!!
Afrolady
3 comments:
Iyanla was literally begging Oprah and that was painful to see.
Gail King said once that once someone crosses Oprah, it's literally impossible to get back in her good graces and that was apparent at the way Iyanla tried so hard to justify herself with some bogus explanation. She has missed that train, she should get over it. Period.
There was a time Oprah was taking her like an equal and it was transparent from the way they used to interact. Iyanla got greedy and wanted instant gratification, she betrayed Oprah. Of all of Oprah's protégés she was the most talented and the most promising, yet she's the one who got left behind. Funny how life goes sometimes. Food for thought.
Paula
The whole thing was very painful to see. You are definitely right - life is very funny. Because we have a way of acting as though we've squashed a thing - but mysteriously it never really goes away. I am interested to see what will happen now. I do wonder if Oprah is genuinely interested in re-starting a relationship with her or not. Time will tell.
beautiful posts. the most important thing is that 2 people are open to listen with their spirit ears. had a situation like this this week, powerful
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